[ He shakes his head as he can remember the shit that was said to him when he blew up about Lila being in the main house. He won't ever forgive that because they chose to disregard his feelings. ]

Things will never be the same between me and my brothers, Rox. I risked my life numerous times for those two assholes and they had the nerve to accuse me of lacking empathy because I wouldn't put myself in Lila's shoes. They completely discounted the fact that I knew Lila because I have been in her shoes.

[ He gives her hand a squeeze before pulling his hand out of her grip in favor of gripping the railing again. ]

The Handler was a manipulative bitch that used us both, but I was the asshole because I didn't openly show remorse over a job I carried out at the orders of the people who employed me. How am I suppose to be remorseful over Lila's parents when they aren't the only people I killed under orders. I would have to be remorseful over every life I took. Neither of those assholes know the kind of guilt that I would be buried under if I didn't compartmentalize the Commission stuff.

[ He inhales sharply as he tries to keep his emotions under control, but his brain doesn't necessarily give a damn if it is the holidays or not. ]

My own brothers threw me under the bus for a stranger.